Day 1 (Re-re-re-start)

Inspiration is everywhere.

Being healthy is a lifelong commitment. It is not a fad, not a diet, but a perpetual goal that changes and grows as we do. During my adult life I have considered myself someone who is conscious of their lifestyle. I always strive to make healthy decisions, keep my health on track. Thankfully, besides having a few more rolls than I'd like, I am a healthy 24 year old woman, and while some of that can be credited to youth and good genes, I will also pat myself on the back and say "Good job." I don't smoke, only drink socially (which really, is not too often) and stay somewhat active. There is always room for improvement, though.

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with an eating disorder. I overeat, emotionally eat, and eat when I'm bored. Idle hands often wander to junk food to alleviate what I assume would be considered as boredom (however, in my mind, I am rarely - if ever - bored.) While the degree varies, I have, in the past, had a very unhealthy relationship with food. I used it as a reward, as a punishment, as an incentive, as a tool.. as a temporary band-aid. While the instant gratification made me feel good and safe, it was, is, and always will be inevitably fleeting.

I realise this, and have taken great strides in correcting this behaviour. It has been a long, rocky, winding road, but I feel that the worst is behind me. I may fall, and I may stumble, but I will no longer be feel ashamed. I will no longer hate myself for the mistakes, or moments of weakness. We all have them, we all make them, and we will all continue to do so. I am stronger now, and I know that because of those darker times I am who I am today, and can fight this battle head on.

I feel that I have made some great progress over the past few years, and have felt very confident over this last week. I can do this. I can keep it up.

Portion control; I honestly feel that this is the biggest and hardest part of my endeavour. I always want more, I think (or maybe want to think?) that I am almost always hungry. Food is quite often on my mind - especially when I cannot have it, or am telling myself that I do not need it. And most times I don't, really - it's often an hour or so after a meal, or right before bed.. I identify as a snacker, and it is a very hard habit to break.

I've been doing well, however, with keeping my portions small. If I still feel hungry, I wait 10-15 minutes after I eat to go get more. I avoid dessert until a little later, and if I do have dessert, I have been trying to make sure I get an extra bit of exercise. I have been taking Tundra on at least one walk a day.. Island View Beach has been the most common destination so far.

My recent goal has been to get at least 20 minutes of exercise a day, and work on my portions/healthier eating. I can confidently say that I have succeeded in doing that for the past week. So, cheers to a good start!

I have been inspired by a dear friend of mine, Cerine, who is on a journey all her own at the moment, to make this blog public. I am not going to openly promote it, but instead give the URL to a few people to begin with. If more decide to read or follow, then so be it. This is mostly so that I stay accountable to myself. Support, however, is always appreciated.

Tomorrow I shall take my measurements (and possibly my weight, but really, the only scale I have access to is my Wii Fit balance board, and I'm not sure how accurate that is). A "start" photo will also come along. Losing weight is not my primary goal here; feeling good and staying healthy is. My body shape, as opposed to weight, is where I will be focusing physically, and I will be focusing on nurturing and forgiving myself emotionally and psychologically.

Go team!